vanquish.

oh god. I need to get rid of this stress and anxiety and resentment and just everything coiled in me. ahhhh. junior year. dah. it has been two extremes so far. extremely wonderful and extremely in a septic tank of a family that likes to eat a lot of spicy food. eff. just so stressed out because I really feel like i try and try and I study but i get nothing from it. I got a C on my bio test. Sure, a C is average. But I spent two hours after school getting help from cullinane. So does that mean that studying for two hours with the teacher is "average." I really expected myself to do a lot better. and english. I love that class. I really like spencer. but for the effity eff eff. it leaves me speechless and feeling so depressed. I read the assignments, I try, I ask questions, yet I still don't do well. Just can't communicate. I dont' think i'm even effectively communicating how i'm feeling here. and apush. sigh. c on the mcq that I studied for. that i helped other people study for. that I read for. that i volunteered to answer questions that casanova asked. what's it going to take for me to do well. reading the chapters 5 times over? spending 6 hours getting teacher help? just so stressed and jealous and pissed and so many negativities that are clouding everything else. i really just wanna break down when I think about it. sucks that now that i'm actually having college aspirations that all my product of work is sucking ass. sucking. suck suck suck suck suck suck. dahjlnfhklfdajkdvahkldva. sorry. just didn't wanna put an explitive. eff. and so many things to pay for. sigh. guess i'm going to be eating leftovers everyday. can't. won't. need to. i know i can, but. my body tenses just thinking about everything. i can't even type in this blog everything.