vanquish.

oh god. I need to get rid of this stress and anxiety and resentment and just everything coiled in me. ahhhh. junior year. dah. it has been two extremes so far. extremely wonderful and extremely in a septic tank of a family that likes to eat a lot of spicy food. eff. just so stressed out because I really feel like i try and try and I study but i get nothing from it. I got a C on my bio test. Sure, a C is average. But I spent two hours after school getting help from cullinane. So does that mean that studying for two hours with the teacher is "average." I really expected myself to do a lot better. and english. I love that class. I really like spencer. but for the effity eff eff. it leaves me speechless and feeling so depressed. I read the assignments, I try, I ask questions, yet I still don't do well. Just can't communicate. I dont' think i'm even effectively communicating how i'm feeling here. and apush. sigh. c on the mcq that I studied for. that i helped other people study for. that I read for. that i volunteered to answer questions that casanova asked. what's it going to take for me to do well. reading the chapters 5 times over? spending 6 hours getting teacher help? just so stressed and jealous and pissed and so many negativities that are clouding everything else. i really just wanna break down when I think about it. sucks that now that i'm actually having college aspirations that all my product of work is sucking ass. sucking. suck suck suck suck suck suck. dahjlnfhklfdajkdvahkldva. sorry. just didn't wanna put an explitive. eff. and so many things to pay for. sigh. guess i'm going to be eating leftovers everyday. can't. won't. need to. i know i can, but. my body tenses just thinking about everything. i can't even type in this blog everything.

sophomore.

I sit here at my computer desk. It's 3: 13 AM. Just finished my summer homework. Morning of the first day of junior year. So crazy. Sophomore year was crazy. It was amazing. It went by way too fast. Let's see. I'm just going to start rambling I guess.

I will admit, the beginning of the year started off kind of rocky. Various reasons that I'll get into. But I remember the first like 3 months of school, and I was tired of sophomore year over. It was the "sophomore slump." I don't really know exactly why I felt like that. Just wasn't having tons of fun. Probably had a negative attitude. Long time ago. Not entirely sure.

So some things to go over: academics, sports, choir, classcommittee/asb, dances, friends. Just some broad topics.

Academics: This year wasn't that hard academically to be honest. I did start off extremely bad in euro though. I did all my homework the morning of the first day of sophomore year. Got a 2 on my essay. Started the class with a D. Not a good feeling, but I knew I deserved it. I was stupid for pulling that stunt (which ironically i just pulled again). 0 period pe was a pain. Didn't do anything, hauge didn't really like me so it was suckish. At least I pulled off some decent mile times, especially for me. Made me feel good. Despite phlegm. Chemistry was a complete waste of time, except for having fun. Didn't learn anything, but hey I got an A. Math.. I actually liked math haha. I remember having fun with piecewise functions. Don't judge me! I'm going to miss Ms. Sizer. She was so awesome. Facebook though! Same with Meloche. That class installed faith within me that I can be a good writer. I just need to open up I guess. Really sad that the essay I spent the most effort on he didn't even grade. Whatever. It was tons of fun coming in on Thursdays and recapping Project Runway with him. Having Euro everyday was fun. Love Mr. O. I don' think I have him next year. I felt bad that I didn' really try too hard in his class. But he definately helped me pass the AP test :]

So I took a chance and did swim this year. I almost didn't do it. Ashley convinced me I think. I did it in 8th grade, and I like the water. Swim season started out really badly. I got horrible cramps, even with eating bananas. I was just really bored underwater, stroke after stroke with nobody but my thoughts (which was good and dangerous at the same time if I think about it). Bah, not good for my self esteem that I was supposed to have a year up on the freshmen and they owned me. And I don' think wittman likes me that much too, so precalc will be interesting this year. Decided to stick with it. It got better. Got used to the physical activity, even though I still sucked. I remember I was so effing nervous for the first meet. I really don't like competition in sports, or competition in genearal. People just get so nasty sometimes and it's gross. I was going to back out of the first swim meet, but didn't. And honestly, it wasn't that bad. I remember it was at La Quinta. Their pool was like in a peniterinary. Still got the last places, but I didn't mind too much I guess. I got over the fact that I would come lastish. Bus rides back were awesome. I got to meet so many new people through swim. I got to talk to Shawna, Jillian, Ramin, David, Simon, Fareshte, Frankie, Daniel, and Alison a lot more. More than just a casual w/e. Swim meet food was good. The pasta. Hopefully I'll have time this year for it again.

Oh choir. So. How I was talking about how the year started off rocky. Well, I guess choir had a part in that. I wasn't as much devestated that I didn't make Showchoir, it's just the fact that I was like one of the only sophomore guys that didn't make it. Daniel, Simon, Jared, Afnan, Patrick, Chirag. Heck, even Ian Russo and he didn't even have to try out. Just was a sucky feeling knowing that I was like one of the only 2 guys that didn't make it and that I had a year experience over some of them and I still didn't make it. And then the fact that I would be going into Musical without really knowing anyone. Daniel,Simon, Jared were my safety blankets. And I was all by myself. I remember the first day of musical. The sophomore guys- Matthew, Alex, Gurky, Jeff, Michael, and I got pwned and we had to sit in the front row like noobs. It was really cold in there too. Super strong ac. Just weird to think that was so long ago. But things got better. I guess I was just bitter and scared. But it was good getting to know people. I'm extraordinally happy with how it turned out though. If I wasn't in MP, I don't think I would've gotten as close with Alex or Matt. And that would be horible. It really did work out in the end. But the thing is, I was still really timid in that class because of all the upperclassmen. And then awkward things like my scoliosis would happen and I felt judged. I really didn't open up at all. Which was a mistake because I missed out on a whole semester I could've been talking to people I talk to now, like Meaghan and stuff. But I guess it's better late than never. I'm really going to miss that class. 08 really made it, and we rocked it this year. Kicked out the MP stereotype. This year will definately be different, but I'm hoping it's just as good.

class committee this year started off really rough. oh gosh. very very rough. the first event was hell to turn that hallway into hell. that was a funny. and just the different groups. I don't know. after a while it didn't really matter though because the normal people would step up and do the work. time after time. i would complain a lot, which i kind of regret. i should have just done the work without complaining because it's such a downer. but i will admit it go a lot better. we may not have done a lot of work together and cohesively, but we did have fun. i'm proud of how sadies turned out. i wasn't necessarily happy with every single detail and i think we could've done some more, but i definately was proud. all the work paid off. now asb... oh gosh. I remember the couple of months I would go between asb and choir and what to do junior year. I questioned it so much, asked almost everyone. I was so unsure. Nobody was stepping up and i really wanted the position, but I wasn't ready to give up choir. I couldn't choose, but in the long run i guess I did? It wasn't certain for me that I would get choir, but I risked it. And thank goodness I did. It turned out extremely well. I got the position I wanted and I still get choir this year and I'm loving asb so far. Looking forward to this year.

Dances. First time I went to formal. Deborah was a good date. Sara was friggn not funny with making it so obvious with the cookies. But I still remember that whole scene prety well. i was pretty nervous because deborah eats so much and was taking forever to get to dessert. Had fun with deborah. OH MY GAH. the formal bus. that was so much fun. and that's how I got close to sara I think.. planning that was a mother. so many complications with it, but so worth it in the long run. it was so much fun. sadiessss. sheena. haha. i liked how deborah led me away to "sell grams" and brought me back to he quad 2 minutes later. the starbucks and song were awesome. sheena put so much effort into it and i really thank her for that. especially the gold pants. I hope they'll always fit me. i just like dances in general. i like dancing and being a spazz and music. i just let the music go through me and move me around. so much fun. i look forward to all of them and wish there were more during the year.

next topic a bit later. i'm tired again. it's pushing 1 15 and i have 0 period.

holy crap. took me a while to get back to this.

friends. this year. wow. I don't know. I remember patty telling me on aim early the past school year, even maybe last summer, that her brother told her this is the year where people decide what kind of people they want to be. I think this is pretty true. I broke through a lot of facades that I thought were once there, which isn't necessarily good or bad. For some point at the beginning of the school year, I felt pretty lonely. My usual "group" became broken up. Physically and mentally. First like two months were fine, and that's when thing started changing. I don't ever see Corina anyway, Ashley started going out, Jean started going out, felt disconnected in the first place from the kids that made show choir (Jared and Daniel), even jealous in a way, at least at the beginning, Lily found her love of academics, I just felt disjointed with Kenny, Medha and Thy were engulfed with Gamut. I guess my one constant that was there was Rose. If you're reading this Rosecakes, thanks. We both understood what was happening/happened. I don't know, but even she found some comfort in patty and anne and demi before I found somewhere to land. Eventually though, I'm not even really sure how it happened, but I finally started talking to Alex. Our conversations in the past didn' extend past the mapling world. So it was kind of weird? I remember talking to him on aim at the beginning of the year about things that Meloche talked about. And now I'm happy to call him a best friend. Wouldn't know what would've happened this year if i didn't do Musical. I wouldn't have probably talked to him that much. Just glad it happened this way. Friends repaired themselves in a way by the end of the year. I was sitll close friends with a lot of people, but just didn't have that group aspect. It makes things like planning outings a bit harder, but oh well. I'd mind a close 1 on 1 friendship better than a group effort anyway.

Class of 2008, oh how I judged thee. Haha. If any of you are reading this, I apologize. I remember sitting as a freshman at rallies, and judged you guys so bad. Just because of a few people. And I totally regret and apologize for that. 2008.. haha. A class to remember. It makes me sad that I didn't talk to any of them until 2nd semester began. Lost out on a lot of time that I could've had. Started talking to Jillian through swim, Meaghan from our crotch ideas in the back of please don'ts top the music, Vincent from dance and relay, Michael from random things.. like aim and international dinner, cougars I don't even know. So strange to think that I didn't know them at all 6 months ago. And now they're gone, or leaving really soon. Leaving as fast as they got here, at least for me. Met some amazing people from this class. I used to be so scared of age, but getting to know them just kinda blew that out of the picture for me. I hardly even noticed that they were 2 years older, other than the college references and Vincent reminding me that I am a child (or was).

I don't know. I was going to go into summer now. But does it really need to be blogged about? In short. I loved it. Best summer by far. Relay for Life, CLYLP, prom searching, asb camp, hanging out with people, minimal maple story, the first birthday I sincerely enjoyed within the past 5 years, learning, seeing, realizing. lots of ings. 2008 has been an astinomical year.

~~~~

End.